Here are a few news briefs to keep you informed. Stay tuned for a full story later today.
Real Estate, Less-Than-Real Transaction
Today, MSNBC featured an unsettling story that serves as evidence of America’s growing atheism problem:
Mr. Brent Arthur Wilson, a G-d fearing man, was convicted of “stealing a house.” The problem is, he didn’t steal it; the public records and other paperwork clearly testify that Wilson bought the house from the landLORD—“Yahweh, [Y-H-V-H] the Creator.”
"I am that I am has sold you this house."
So vehement in their denial of the written word of G-d, the jury also found Wilson guilty of “tampering” with the public records that document his holy transaction with the Almighty. With all this godlessness in the neighborhood, no wonder G-d was so quick to sell His house.
FoxNews featured a story on good ol’ Dick Cheney–whom else did you expect?– on their homepage today.
“Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who has a long history of heart problems,” including not having a heart of his own, “has been fitted with a left ventricular assist device (LVAD), which is a battery-operated, mechanical pump-type device that’s surgically implanted…”
So we were right all along– he is part robot.
The article discusses the medical procedure and notes that “Patients with LVADs, like Cheney, can be discharged from the hospital and have an acceptable quality of life.” The article, however, leaves some important questions unanswered. For example, can the heart device withstand a bullet shot by a friend hunting for ‘quail’? And can Cheney still engage in rigorous activities such as skiing or water-boarding? FoxNews leaves us hanging.
Leave it Up to FoxNews.com to Have Headlines Like These:
-Woman Pregnant With 2 Babies, But They’re Not Twins
-Florida Boy 14, Allegedly Kills Man for $4
-Angle Says Campaign to Defeat Reid is God’s Calling
-Woman With World’s Largest Breasts Fighting for Her Life
(I bet Fox News wouldn’t have posted this story if her breasts were just normal size.)
Does Made in the U.S.A. Spell R.I.P?
(No it doesn’t, you dummies.)
Kiddie Sex Ed Has Montana City in a Tizzy
(What the!?! Kiddie sex!?)
Chicken-and-the-Egg Mystery Finally Cracked
(ha ha ha, very punny.)